put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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