Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
