You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We are two peas in an std pod
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
