One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
