So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
