I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
