I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
