don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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