dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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