I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I know her cup size but not her name....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
