All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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