so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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