Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
