its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
