U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
