His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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