I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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