Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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