i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In other news, I just burned my penis
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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