It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
