dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
