Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
