neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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