Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
