Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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