bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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