Say something about gay babies.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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