I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
