I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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