We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
