She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
