Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
from now on my penis is your penis
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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