I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
