this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
