I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
