I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
