bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
