I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
