Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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