Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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