When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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