My sheets look like a crime scene.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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