There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
