I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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