I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
