one might say we're banned from that church
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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