just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
