you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
