We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
