when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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