i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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