i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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