It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
