You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
