I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
