ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
