Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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