Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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