chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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