i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
