I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
