My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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