It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
