I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
