Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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