Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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