Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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