i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
