i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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