I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
