in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
