There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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