"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
