Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
