The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize