I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
